


Waiting for Sunrise

by theblackswan



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bobby-selfish, Depression, Double B, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Selfish, So far no fluff, Suicide Attempt, Violence, idk whats more to add, ikon is 7, ill tag more, junbin, sad hanbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2020-10-26 10:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20740748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackswan/pseuds/theblackswan
Summary: The world that he chose is now a world that he try to avoid but can’t. This fame and popularity is eating him alive. He losing every bits of himself every days and nights. The pills that he taking each day didn’t help him but he is just getting worse. He tried to hold the world but it's now crushing and there's nothing he can do to fix and hold it perfectly.





	1. I’ll take the blame

**Author's Note:**

> Waiting for Sunrise doesn't really mean hopes or anything good and not that I've decide how this story will end. This going to be short chapter au and I think it best for you to refer the tag before you start reading this and with each chapter coming I'll add new tags and always check the tags because I'm afraid it not what you like or prefer. And please bear with the grammar mistake as English is not my first language and also fact about this au is the title of this story is actually from one of my favorite musician music title.

The silence that he chose was the only way to keep him sane and alive. The wall that he built day and night was the only way to secure his insecurity. The people that he let in and let out from his life never a regrets to him. The coldness in that stare is the only security he got to protect himself. The words he chose to speak are for his heart to gain peace and calmness in living. The life style that he chose not to be bragged about but to prove that he can achieve what he wants. The tears that fall was not a weakness that he wanted to show but to prove that he is human after all but they keep on forgetting it.

But in this world, the world that he chose is now a world that he try to avoid but can’t. This fame and popularity is eating him alive. He losing every bits of himself every days and nights. The pills that he taking each day didn’t help him but he is just getting worse. The stare that he kept for his security is losing slowly. The tears that falls are now shows that he is weak. The achievement that he got is just a burden to him. The life style he chose today are for people to judge and he can’t help but to agree. The people he let in is now turning their back on him and the people who walked away from him now smiling for his downfall. The wall he once build is now crumbling and can’t be built again. The silence that he chose is now nothing but a war between loneliness and sadness that makes him go insane and wanting to die.

From where he stand right now, he can see the beauty of the city holds surely breath taking but the dark side of the city and the people living in it is what eating him alive right now despite how beautiful and calm the city looks like.

Remembering what had happened before in YG Entertainment made his brain feel like crushing. He knows his responsibility as a leader but putting all the blames on him is just absurd. He’s well aware how popularity and money has got into his members head and they’re now act very carelessly to the point it out of his control but everyone there keep on reminding him that it his fault and can’t lead well that his member behave badly. He honestly didn’t blame the member attitude changes but he did warn them all not to go overboard with all the fun, guess the warning didn’t get into the members brain and he got to take the hates and also the blames.

When the news of Bobby and June wild night in club break the news he didn’t really mad but when he read what actually happened in the club made his blood boiling. Never once he didn’t trust his member but they succeed on breaking his trust towards them. He understand they needed an escape from this hectic life but what kind of excuse for them to go this far and ruin their group names. All this while, things like this always happened. The news of Bobby kissing girls in club, June with his bratty and arrogant attitude that lead to misunderstanding, Jinhwan being there and didn’t do anything to correct his youngest member but more keep on drinking and having fun. Yunhyeong with his pervert image that can’t be fixed, Chanwoo lacks of interaction with their fans. The only unproblematic member would be Donghyuk but seems like Bobby succeed to bring the wild side of him that he get involved with the scandal that ruin their group name.

And him? Fight for his member, work day and night continuously without failed for his group comeback and back and forth to the CEO room just to justify every single action made by his member so no one can question his members’ action because he trusted them all. Even when none of them ever said thank you to him he still do his responsibilities as a leader and never once they really knows how he handle it with their CEO. Yes everyone get called but worse is on him and that’s how it always be.

There’s day that he wanted to give up but he stopped and continue living for the sake of his fans, member and family but today it feels like it’s a final straw and he can’t bear with any pain anymore. He been living with medication in his right hand without the member knows. He hide a lot for the sake of his member happiness. He get abused because of their action and every times things like that happened he ran away from them for few days before all the bruises faded. But today is the worst from any that he ever received before. He knows very well how the member never really appreciate him and to them they sacrifice their youth, time, energy and efforts the same as him and they’re not wronged but they didn’t know the extra work he did for them. For them to debut as a group because before they’re all crying and begging for him to do something about it and he did it. But today, he start to question, was it worth it all the effort and the pain he living if none of them actually appreciate him and at least behave well just for one day?

His only best friend stay quiet and help him with the wound and the bruises that he received. He close his eyes don’t want to look at the pity look that his friend gave him.

“Until when you want to do this and take everything and put everything in your plate alone?” One said and take a sit beside Hanbin who still close his eyes. One never know that this strong friend of his will be this weak and fragile when it comes to his member who never really appreciate him.

“I don’t know till when but instead of go to them, I just want to end my life. I’m not strong Jaewon, stop thinking I am one. You know the truth and how weak I’ll get each day and you know I’m now counting days.” As if he knows what One been thinking about him. One look at the view of Banpo Bridge that can be seen from his place instead of Hanbin. Not knowing what to respond and decided it best if he acted like he don’t really understand what his friend trying to say.

“What are you talking about Hanbin?” Not that One didn’t understand what Hanbin trying to say but he preferred to act like he don’t because seeing how broken his once a very strong friend fall apart like this breaks him too.

“Jae stop with the act and I know you know it very well.” Hanbin stay calm and just shows his sad smile to One. He feel sorry for what he had done in past and can’t even promise his best friend that he wouldn’t do the same in future. He can’t promise One because he knows it very well, by time he going to do it again and the next time he do it maybe he not going to failed like before. He wish.

“Hanbin, I don’t like it you know that too and fact that none of them were there when you done it broke my heart honestly. You don’t have to do this, keep hurting yourself, you have fans, your family and me with you in this journey.” One look at his friend and try his best to get into his friend thoughts about his life. He was there every single time Hanbin get beat up and was there to save him from drowning with his own thoughts when he felt unworthy and no one care if he take his own life away and he really did tried but failed and One was there when it all happened. Countless time and he never forget each one of it and he honestly traumatize by it. Months ago was the worse and will never once he forget about it, night when he scream and begging for Hanbin to stay alive and weird how all of this things happened and none of Hanbin’s group member notice and knows.

“Jae when the day I choose to take my life, my family, my fans and you sure going to shed tears here and there but in weeks everything will settles and no one going to shed tears over my death and eventually everyone will move on and live their best life.” Hanbin knows his words is full with pain and One don’t like it at all. Fact how easy it is coming from Hanbin mouth surely make One mad.

“The only people who going to live their best life after your death will be you members not us the one you mentioned.” One burst and he knows he shouldn’t. He should understand that Hanbin really living his life thinking that everyone will move on from him and forget him. But he just can’t stand on how low Hanbin see his fans and his family loves towards him.

“Jae don’t talk lowly about my member, they… they going to be sad if I’m not around.” One smirk at the statement and Hanbin are now ashamed with his own statement. Fact that he stutters when he said it proves a lot about his members.

“Stop it right there Bin. Honestly for how long will you stay in love with him in silent and let your love towards your members ruin you like this?” One asked it nicely. This one question that he been keeping for so long.He knows asking this question right now is not the right time but he can’t help it anymore. He pretty aware too that this question won’t help his friend right now. Hanbin is under a lot of pressure and he don’t want to be another reason for Hanbin to break apart but he needs to make his friend realise the reality of his love towards his member just going to kill him in future especially to that person.

“Jae what are you talking about?” Hanbin never once let One knows about this one deepest secret of his. He never ready to talk about it and he don’t even think this is the right time to talk about it and forever will never be the right time to ever talk about it.

“Hanbin the only things he do is get drunk fuck around with girls that he met in club and when he’s home and needed someone he go to you but when he sober enough he push you and hurt you again. Hanbin just till when will you let this pass?” One just trying to hit his friend with some sense and wish his question will makes Hanbin think deeply about it but he knows it won’t.

“And each of your member literally comes to you when they need something and use you for their own good. I see it all Bin. I was in that company before, don’t you dare to deny it.” One continue and take a look at his friend reaction but it’s Hanbin, he knows how to hide everything very well even his facial expression.

“Jae I got to go now. They want me to be there in the dorm and talk to the member about the consequences of their action. I’m sorry really got to go now.” Hanbin is running away from the topic but he didn’t lie when he said he need to be back to the dorm. Not today, he can’t run away from his member like he always did.

“You looking like this for real Bin?” One can’t believe how trashy that company can be and how ignorant the member can be and not to see how fucked up Hanbin’s condition is because of their action.

“Yeah guess it’s about time and I can’t hide anymore.” That the last words from Hanbin and he walked away even before One get the chance to respond. And One understand with Hanbin rush since his phone keep on ringing it’s a signal that the manager is here. One let it slipped just for tonight.

**\--------------------**

The ride to the dorm is really quite and he thankful for that but he can see from the rear view mirror his manager gave him a few sad glance. The only person that knows his struggle other than One would be his manager and by his manager means it’s their group manager too. When the first time he get beat up by his company CEO was because he can’t control his anger and it was before their debut. It’s Hanbin fault because he keep on asking to meet the CEO to begged for him to let them debut as one group and he takes whatever it will costs him and after he get beats he stay in his small studio away from the group member so none of them knows about it and not to worry and stay focus on their training and the CEO is trying to hide his crime so he sent the members to vacation except for Hanbin and it happens regularly after that.

When they debuted, they got manager and the manager is the first person to know about it. He tried to tell the members but Hanbin stopped him from doing it worried it will affect his group member mental health and also maybe can fucked up their group. He worried too much but he can’t stop worrying because he’s the leader and he need to take responsibility as a leader.

“Are you really okay? I’m sorry I can’t help you this time because Yang wants you to tell them by yourself and I know he wants them to know what he actually capable to do to them if they keep on rebelling. I’m really sorry.” Hanbin understand and he just give the manager an assurance smile to make him feel less guilty.

His manager was always so kind to him. He was there with Hanbin when YG decided to let his seniors in the company take all the credits over his own hard work. He was devastated but he can’t say anything to YG but to agree. His manager accompanied him that time when One can’t be around. He cried and asked all questions in his mind to his manager even if the manager can’t answer any of his questions. 

He smile thinking about that moment because he feels stupid. He appreciates his manager so much and wish nothing but the best for his manager as the manager also got to take the blames over his group members action.

Without he notice they finally arrived. He take a very deep breaths before he out from the car when the manager give him a signal to go out from the car.


	2. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take things for granted and think that we knows the truth about the world we're living in. If only we takes time to understand each other actions more maybe we won't hurt each other like we doing right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for Sunrise doesn't really mean hopes or anything good and not that I've decide how this story will end. This going to be short chapter au and I think it best for you to refer the tag before you start reading this and with each chapter coming I'll add new tags and always check the tags because I'm afraid it not what you like or prefer. And please bear with the grammar mistake as English is not my first language and also fact about this au is the title of this story is actually from one of my favorite musician music title.

He went straight to his bedroom instead of straight go to the downstairs apartment to meet his group members because he feel like he need his time alone more right now to gathered his thoughts because he don’t want to be seen as a weak leader because of his current looks condition. He never received anything worse than this, before the CEO never touch anywhere near to his face but not today. He can see his face is swollen, one eye left with a bruise and also lips cut. Maybe the CEO dare enough to beat him this bad because he and his group members need to be away from the lens and any media platform so he won’t need to explain about his current condition.

He remember the deal he made with his boss for the sake of the future of his group members and him too. Also how bad he actually get beat by his boss back in his CEO office room.

_When he first entered the expensive looking room he received a very painful slap and he was shocked even when he expect it to happen. It surely doesn’t stop there, he then yanked Hanbin’s hair and slammed his head on the table surface and keep on repeating his action multiple times before he stop and Hanbin really thought that he would go unconscious but his CEO stopped and push his body on the floor. Hanbin take this particular time to curled up, legs close to his chest and hands covered his face area to prevent from more injuries in that area but his back and arms and any part of his unprotected body get kicked really hard that he can’t bear the pain. He wish he’s dead and this agony will finally come to an end but he surely knows that his CEO won’t let that happen and he knows very well when to stop before that injuries will makes him unconscious and more facing death with his own hand. _

_Tears roll down like a river, his blurry eyes saw a body figure watching him with sad eyes, face looked down to the ground when he begged for him to help him out. He can’t focus on whatever his boss scream to him, he just cry and begged for anyone to help him but stop when his CEO once again grabs his hair and forcedly make him stand up with his own two feet and slap him again and continue with a last punch right on his face because he couldn’t stop crying. _

_“Fucking stop crying and start talking. What do you want from me this time and what’s more can you offer to me?” His CEO Mr Yang asked him with his normal tone as if he doesn’t beat Hanbin before. The only reason why he also get beat up by Mr Yang was because he wants Hanbin to be under his control and shows how much power he have in his hand and Hanbin truly can’t complain because from the day he decided to take whatever it will costs him as long as his member and him can debut together in one team then he’s fine with it. But honestly he’s not fine but never once he regretted the decision he made to debut together with the boys. But if he can do a final wish he wished that everything will stop but life is always unfair to him. _

_His breathing start to get heavy, his heartbeat start to race in abnormal rate and his palm is now sweating from the struggle to breath and the pain he got to bear at the moment. He can taste the taste of blood in his mouth but he needs to get a grip and speaks up before Mr Yang get annoyed with his silence and have a thought of him being rude towards him and he will receive another unforgettable series in his life. _

_“I… I need you to save my group member and… and I have nothing else to offer but… but please I’m begging you to save us.” He learnt from the past, not to let Mr Yang knows what he can offered because to the CEO it Hanbin’s way to triggering him and shows that Hanbin can offered more than what the boss can. But his answer makes him feels small and ashamed of himself, he let this devil look at him lowly but he already do this countless time and why now he needs to feel that way about himself. _

_“Have you contact your group members?” Hanbin simply shake his head. He didn’t get the time to call his group members. Right after the news broke the internet, his manager asked him to read the article he sent and told him to go straight to his CEO room and ignore all the incoming calls from his members and he come straight to meet Mr Yang. _

_“You can sometimes be so stupid and careless even. No wonder your group members dare to behave this way and ruin my company good name. I should’ve known that you can never be a good leader but you’re the best toys I ever had to play with.” Mr Yang said and smirk. Hanbin stay quiet, he still struggling with his breathing issue and can’t bring himself to utter a single words. _

_ “Your members and you will be on hiatus but as usual you got to work for another artist comeback but once your bruises gone. By hiatus I mean stay at in your apartment that I let you guys stay in and never get out from the house until this issue slow down. If this issue takes 1 years then stay there for 1 fucking year but I know it won’t be that long and I need you guys to be my cash cow like always.” Mr Yang said it without feeling ashamed by his own statement. He also wants to know if he helps another artist comeback will he be credited but he got zero nerve to ask the question._

_“And you will not be credited as always. Know your place Hanbin, you’re nothing without me even with the talents you got. You’re under my control from the day you come to my office and made the deal. Pay the price Hanbin and you’re can get out from here you pathetic.” With that his question has been answered. He brings himself out from the room with a slow pace as his body aching and can’t seem hold any more minutes to collapse but still need to be strong at least till he’s out from his CEO office room._

_ He then notice the man that has been standing there in the room from the beginning, the one who he begged to help him but did nothing to help him. No he is not mad because what can his manager can do against Mr Yang, literally nothing he can do. His manager follows his step from behind until both of them out from the office room and right after the door closed his fall to the ground and his manager lift him up, his final memories that he remembered before he woke up and meet his good looking friend and automatically knows where he is. _

He let out a deep sigh, thinking he takes too much time for himself when the members need him at the moment. He feel so selfish but it’s not wrong right to be selfish just for once? It this even selfish, he honestly don’t know anymore and don’t want to think about it. What he knows he need to be in the downstairs apartment by now since he promise his manager he just need a few minute before he meet his members and trying to think what kind of excuse he should make if any of them worried about him and asked about his condition. 

When he entered the apartment living room he see everyone’s eyes is on him. He feels the burden suddenly. He notice Jinhwan shocked face expression and didn’t change even when he do eye contact with him. Junhoe and Bobby don’t shows any kind of reaction but Donghyuk shows his concern reaction to him. Yunhyeong and Chanwoo simply smile at him and he smiled at them back while their manager give him a support smiles that he needs actually.

“So since everyone is here and I’m sure that our manager did told you guys already what you guys need to do for now so I’m just here to remind you guys that this time you guys can’t break any YG rules so that he can help us to clear this issue and also wait till the authority called us for the investigation regarding the issue.” He said calmly opposite of how he feels inside. With the lack of respond from his group members worsen his anxiety attack condition.

“Hanbin, what… what happened to you?” Jinhwan breaks the silence that stand for maybe a minute before he asked him the question. Expected question but he is not ready to tell them the truth and he pretty sure that the others don’t really wants to know the truth about his bruises and wound that showing.

“It’s really nothing hyung. Not a thing that you should be worried about.” He smile to Jinhwan who apparently not satisfied with his respond. He actually planning to tell them the truth but seeing how lack of interest from most of his group member makes him think about twice. Maybe he shouldn’t because no one actually care about him and maybe Jinhwan asking out of guilt for what they had done and seeing his leader condition like this makes him feel the need to asked.

“If you said so Hanbin.” Jinhwan don’t want to push the subject more. They had their own issue right now probably bigger than Hanbin issue and he don’t want to think much about Hanbin condition. He care but honestly Hanbin is just too secretive and he can’t breaks the wall and he think he never once tried.

“I wish you guys learn from this and please at least be good for the sake of our group names and career in future. I’ve done my part and my wish is for you guys not to get involve with this kind of scandal anymore in future.” Maybe Hanbin said it wrongly because right now he can see fire in Bobby’s and Junhoe’ eyes.

“What the actual shit are you trying to say Mr so perfect?” Bobby asked him sarcastically and he honestly don’t understand what happened right now.

“What do you mean Bobby?” Hanbin surely drop their honorific years ago but right now he feels like he need to use it but disagree with his own brain and let that slipped.

“You don’t even bother to answered our phone call and come here with some bullshit that we already know. We expecting for you to at least ask us what actually happened in the club before lecture us with some kind of bullshit that we already know.” Bobby stand up, eyes to eyes with their leader who look very bad right now but not that he care since the leader don’t even care to ask what actually happened in the club.

“I… I read what happened in the club.” He not sure why he stutter right now. Was he wrong? He thought he did it right, he didn’t yell them or even blame them for what had happened. He just there to correct them so that in future none of them will ever do the same mistake as what they did yesterday but why is Bobby so mad at him as if he the one who ruin them. He really can’t process the whole situation.

“Hanbin we’re not in this industry yesterday, we are in this industry for 4 years already and here you are believed what you read written by bunch of reporters who don’t even care about the truth.” Now its Yunhyeong turn and he said in a nice way opposite to Bobby’s way of talking.

“Hyung I…” He tried to justified why he believe what he read but he can’t find a right words as what Yunhyeong said is not wrong. How can he read the whole article and believe it all without asking his members first on what actually happened in the club. What’s the real reason behind their action and how are they so careless that they dare to take this action even when they know the consequences and the backlash they will received from the society.

“You know what, maybe it’s true what Mr Yang said you never actually trust us from the start and you want to know what more? Maybe we should be the one who ask this question. Why on earth your face look like that? Are you the one who actually got into a fight and not us? Because as far as my sober mind remembered, we don’t simply start a fight but it was self-defence that we did back in the club.” Junhoe said and look at his leader disgustingly and Hanbin never felt more humiliated by the fact that his members accuse him like that and trust what Mr Yang said more than him.

“June I’m sorry I didn’t asks you guys the truth. I’m really sorry.” That’s all he can say. He feels so small right now and he really wants to run away and hide his body from the world. _Youreabadleader _words keep on chanting in his mind without stopping.

“As you should bro and get your shit together because we are all innocence right now and by time truth will be unfold.” Junhoe said it with a smirk as if he’s right now mocking his own leader and that exactly what he’s doing. He’s mad with his leader ever since before they debut. When Mr Yang sent them to the vacation he said to them that Hanbin don’t want them to be around because they’re a burden to him and begged Mr Yang to send them away from him at least just for one week and that’s is the turning point of everything.

“Junhoe show some respect to you leader.” Suddenly their quite manager voice out and have a very firm voice that they never heard before. They are all shock even Hanbin is shock by their manager words and action.

“Why should we respect him honestly? We are just a burden to him.” Chanwoo speak with a low voice but can be heard by others. Hanbin never felt so betrayed until today, he don’t know where he stands in his own group. Why is everyone gang up to attack him tonight out of so many days? He did say sorry because he didn’t ask them first but somehow it’s more to personal attack right now. He really tired and can’t even stand there any seconds anymore. He needs to be out from here before he collapse again for the second time in one day.

“It’s okay Jeaho hyung. I understand where this coming from… they’re right. I’m sorry I need to go now Jeaho hyung, I’ll …I’ll send you my location.” Hanbin knows he need to be out from there as soon as possible. His both legs are numb that he struggling to walk out from the apartment but he did.

His vision start to get blurry, he sweat a lot too that his shirt are now wet. His breathing are wheezing and he feels like throwing up or maybe he did? He try to reach for his phone in his pocket only to know he didn’t bring it with him. He curled up on the outside floor, pray to anyone who listen to his pray will let him at least to breath. His tears are falling again and crying is not helping his chest is in pain from lack of oxygen as if someone is chocking him to death.

He knows he heard a sound just now but there’s nothing he can do. Feels his body is shaking and right now the scene that he don’t want to happen is happening. His facing a depersonalization and he now left with nothing. He now have no control over his body and all he could do is hoping someone will help him.

_Helpmehelpme Icantbreatheicantbreath Idontwanttoliveanymore _is words that playing in his mind and he lost himself, he feel so distance from the world. Maybe finally someone heard his everyday prayer to not to be alive anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments good or bad I'll take each of it with an open heart. And this is actually my first attempt in writing so sorry for any mistake. I'm sorry if I failed in writing how bad Hanbin situation is but I really am trying and I'm sorry again. Thank you!


	3. Things better left unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years of friendship meant nothing. The memories they created together are far gone. The laugh and the tears they shared together seem to be meaningless. The promises of staying together forever trough ups and downs seem to be forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for Sunrise doesn't really mean hopes or anything good and not that I've decide how this story will end. This going to be short chapter au and I think it best for you to refer the tag before you start reading this and with each chapter coming I'll add new tags and always check the tags because I'm afraid it not what you like or prefer. And please bear with the grammar mistake as English is not my first language and also fact about this au is the title of this story is actually from one of my favorite musician music title.

Years of friendship meant nothing. The memories they created together are far gone. The laugh and the tears they shared seem to be meaningless. The promises of staying together forever trough ups and downs seem to be forgotten. Everything good is now gone. A new book has opened but nothing beautiful is written in the new book about their once loving and strong relationship as a friend. 

Every each of them was in doubt and full of question about what happened to the friendship they once adore dearly. Looking for the main source of the problem so that they can fix each one of it but they find none. The strong feeling of to blame something or someone that causes it has eaten their friendship. Blaming their leader is what they’re all agreed to. Believing what their CEO said to them maybe not the best decision but they’re all desperate to find the main cause that ruins them. Nothing is easy but they get used to it eventually. Blaming the leader brings peace to the six for a while but the consequences of doing it are losing the leader but they willing to take the cons.

They see the pain that the leader had to deal with but choose to ignore it like they used to. They see how badly the leader’s hands trembling and how much he sweats as if he just has done with hours of exercise without stopping. But none of them bother to go run to him and asked if he is really fine. They’re all in dilemma and didn’t want to get hurt more. Jinhwan did asked but as always the leader will ask them not to worry about it and that stops them all from doing any kind of efforts to understand the leader situation.

“He needs you guys.” It breaks their deep thoughts moment when they heard what their manager Jaeho said. Bobby snort at the statement. He can’t believe their manager would say that. The manager was with them from the first day they debuted and see how broken their friendship are. Nothing they did can get through Hanbin’s wall that he built in the past few years. All he did was just throw them away and successfully made them feel like nothing but just a burden.

“You’re kidding with us right now Hyung.” Junhoe got to let out his sarcastic laugh. His body cringe when he heard what Jeaho said to them. How ignorant their manager can be to say something funny like that in a very serious way and a serious situation like this. He is very sure not only has him felt it this way. By look each of the members has the same feeling as him maybe minus Donghyuk, he doesn’t understand why that boy still wants to try to understand the leader.

“I’m sorry and I wish I’m joking right now June but I’m not.” Jaeho knows it very well the boys will not calmly take his words as he wished. But it does break his heart when it happened. He wishes he could just tell what happened about their leader but he can’t. He promises Hanbin from the day he knew about what Hanbin’s got to go through to get his member debut under one group as the member wish. The memories of that night were still vivid and how desperate Hanbin begging to him not to let the members know about him. Both of them were crying that night, for him he cried because of how bad it is to see Hanbin condition but for Hanbin was because he doesn’t want to let the members worried about him and will stop them from running to the path that will lead them to their dreams.

“With all respect, I have for you Hyung I wish for you to know that we don’t give a single fuck about him anymore,” Bobby said in anger and for a moment he wishes whatever he said to the manager speak the truth of how he feels but he can’t deny that he still fucking care about the leader just not as he used to care back then when they’re in love with their friendship. He got to be strong and can’t be weak just because of Hanbin’s current condition and what the manager has said to them. They’re all struggling just like Hanbin. They’re all in the situation of needing comforts from others, not just Hanbin. How selfish the leader is to make everything about him when they needs Hanbin as a leader, more than what Hanbin needs right now.

“Bobby mind your language.” Jinhwan stepped out. After all he still the oldest among them all and he didn’t like it when Bobby feels it’s fine to be rude and speaks whatever he wants and hurt others especially their manager who does nothing but working very hard for them. He let out a deep sigh. He tired right now. Mentally and physically. He wants everything to stop and his head hurt thinking about his younger brothers.

“Jinhwan Hyung, I don’t think it’s the right time to stop us from talking. We suffered enough and all this incident happened was because we wanted to protect ourselves and fact is we didn’t start any fight we just…” Junhoe didn’t get the chance to finish his line when Jinhwan cut him off.

“It surely our faults too.” Jinhwan knows the truth, he was there and whatever Junhoe said is true too but he just not up for this conversation just yet. Not when he feels something is not right about Hanbin and him being exhausted to think straight at the moment. He needs the rest and talks again about everything when everyone which includes him in a less intense atmosphere.

“Hyung I think Hanbin needs you more than us right now and you can leave us alone for a moment.” Jinhwan decides it best for Jaeho to go right now and check on Hanbin since he is pretty sure no one wants the manager to be here, not like this.

“Hyung can I go with you?” The sudden question coming from Donghyuk successfully made the other boys heat in anger even more.

“Dong stop right there. Don’t make me hates you because right now I feel like you choosing him over us.” Bobby was hurt by Donghyuk's words and actions right now. He was the one who always comforts the younger when he feels insecure and feel worthless about himself and this is not the right way to repay it.

“Our Donghyuk don’t care about his Hyung.” Junhoe adding oil to the fire and smirk at it. Feels good to ruin their good friendship. Not that he jealous or hates Bobby and Donghyuk strong friendship it just that he mad and hates Donghyuk right now. He really can’t understand how many bullshit can Donghyuk faced before he hates their leader.

“June you’re not helping.” Yunhyeong disagrees with Junhoe behavior. But Junhoe just ignore the older and continue to be a jerk and enjoying the moment.

“Donghyuk you’re so nice and all but it’s okay. You stay here.” Jaeho can’t stand seeing how awful the boys behave right now. He feels the need to check on Hanbin and he feels uneasy about Hanbin. He almost forgot how bad Hanbin’s body and hands trembling before. And when he received a text from One saying that he coming to their place because Hanbin left his phone in his house make him anxious.

He went out from the apartment thinking how and where to find Hanbin but only to find out he doesn’t need to think about it again. He found him, no he didn’t. More to One telling him that Hanbin in his room right now and he decides to go there.

One was sitting on the couch, head hanging low. Looking miserable as always.

“Hyung, how long did you left him alone?” The first question One asked the manager.

“Not… not that long though.” Jaeho can’t answer the question. He doesn’t think it was that long, was it?

“Not that long till he succeeds to hurt himself alone in that hallway? Bullshit.” One can’t hold himself at that moment. Not when the first thing he saw was Hanbin begging for someone to help him and scratch his own chest till it bleeds just so he could breathe. One knows he did it without him knowing but fact that he was alone got into his nerve. He warned the manager so many times not to leave Hanbin alone more to never leave him alone.

“I’m sorry, I just… the boys…I wanted them to know…” One doesn’t want to know more about what the manager got to say. He never likes anything about Hanbin’s group members.

“They don’t care. Why bother to care about it?” One continues letting out his anger. He can’t handle seeing his best friend alone in that state. He was all alone when the member was few feet away from where Hanbin collapse, begging and crying for someone to help him just to breathe. Hanbin was almost turning blue when he found him.

“Jaewon, I’m sorry. I thought tonight will be the night they will know the truth about Hanbin. I just want things to end and I can’t stand seeing how they treat Hanbin but I can’t blame them since they don’t know the truth. It’s never my intention to leave him alone!” Jaeho can’t hold it anymore. Not like he wanted things to be this way if he knew the thing will be this bad he won’t bother try to talk to the boys.

“All these years, he got beat up get sexually abuse get humiliated by those stupid videos that they got on camera you still fucking care about the boys to know the truth? Hyung seriously, they don’t care! Hanbin was here in this house when everything happened and those stupid brats saw all the bruises but never once they come to Hanbin asking for the truth. For god sake, stop your idea of telling them the truth!” One saw how the manager now copied his previous posture. Head hanging low and tears fighting not to fall. He feels sorry for raising his voice. He let out a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry Hyung.” He can’t find the right words to say to the manager. He is sorry though.

He takes a seat right beside the manager. A moment of silence before they heard the house’s door closed. One glance at the manager so does the manager.

“Hyung, did you close the door before you come in?” One asked calmly opposite to how he felt inside.

“I did. I swear.” Jaeho sure he did close the door but how come both of them didn’t notice someone else was in the house. He sure the boys are all in the downstairs apartment when he left the apartment and if one of the boys tries to get in how can they not hear any noise or sound coming from the door.

“I hope it’s not one of the boys and hopefully the person didn’t hear anything.” One and Jaeho share the same wish. None of them wants the boys to know the truth. Not in this kind of situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I dont know if anyone ever read this au because I'm sure i didn't write it well. I really feel like give up because i really don't think its good or anything. And i want to say sorry for it and if there's anyone who wait for this au i'm sorry it takes so long for me too update. Thank you for reading this till the end.


	4. Alone and lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living has become a constant nightmare for him. When he opened his eyes, saw how beautiful the sunrise is it feels nothing but he won’t stop adoring how beautiful it is and he feels like he has been mocked by it.

Living has become a constant nightmare to him. When he opened his eyes, saw how beautiful the sunrise is it feels nothing but he won’t stop adoring how beautiful it is and he feels like he has been mocked by it. He looks away from the beautiful view, taking a deep breath. Sadness slowly creeping in, he thought he can finally be one with the sun. Thought that his every day prays has been heard but he wronged. He’s here sitting in his bedroom, still alone.

He rose up from his bed and went straight to the bathroom. Looking right in the mirror, he sees the damage that he had committed last night. He smiles, holding up those tears that seem so eager to fall. He remembers everything that happened a night before. He was begging for someone to help him but also hoping that his every day prays to be heard but here he is. Still breathing and see how bad last night went for him. His body is now full of red angry lines cause by him scratching his chest just so he could breathe and he did breathing just fine today.

He was also fully aware who helped him out last night. If it wasn’t One who come and rush to his almost-dead body his daily prays would be granted by the one. Half of his body wants to be mad towards his own best friend for saving him. He wishes One could just ignored him and left him so he won’t be standing here tonight but no. His only best friend were there helping him out just to fucking breathe. But he can’t be mad at One because he surely will help him like he always did. It was useless to try to end his own life if One was around.

Will his other members help him out like how One did if they saw Hanbin there? Will, they acted like One did if they know the truth about him? Will, they stood up for him if they know how crazy is the world treating him? He wishes he could answer those questions but he couldn’t and his final answer will be no. They won’t. He just a stranger in his own group. They never know anything and when he tries to break the wall he built for the members to finally get into his world they show Hanbin that he shouldn’t be doing it and he stopped the idea of letting the members enter his pathetic world. He is the unwelcomed member in this house and there is where he stands. Unwelcomed and alone in his own world and journey.

The mirror will only show us what we wanted to see, he wants to see a happy him. He smiles more for himself, wipes those ugly tears and decided to walk away from the mirror and clean himself before he start his day.

“Good morning Hanbin.” Jinhwan greeted him. Hanbin taking his time to digest this new behavior of Jinhwan. This is the first time since he can’t remember since when but it feels like forever. Before he replied to Jinhwan’s morning wish he look around and saw the other members were there too. He wanted to ask why everyone here but he stop himself from doing it. This is their house too and that question is weird to be asked.

“Morning Hyung.” It surely an awkward moment for both Hanbin and Jinhwan. Jinhwan clears his throat to make the situation less awkward and hopes it works even when he knows it doesn’t.

“Where you going?” It doesn’t feel like that is what Jinhwan wanted to say but Hanbin guess Jinhwan trying to have a small talk with him before he goes to the real topic.

“To the studio.” Hanbin hopes he doesn’t sounds cold because that surely not what he intended to do. It just that he is very awkward right now together with the stares coming from other members makes him uncomfortable and feels the need to be out from the apartment soon and skips his real intention of having his morning coffee time alone.

“Do you… if you’re not in a rush mind having breakfast with us?” Hanbin wants to decline the invitation but he don’t have the heart to say something that might hurt the older so he just nod his head and head straight to the dining area but he having a hard time thinking where he should sit. The only sit left was beside Bobby or Junhoe and he doesn’t want to be near to either one of them but at last, he decided it best to sit beside Junhoe as Bobby has been eyeing on him with his sharp eyes as if he wanted to kill him alive right at that moment. 

The breakfast time went completely silent. Everyone's focus are on the meal that has been serve on the table. Hanbin feels like he just ruins the other six happy moments together just by him being there with them. Every day when he’s out from his room and saw his group members having a meal together never once they failed to crack stupid jokes and laugh at each other or sometimes they will make a stupid conversation together. And when he’s here they’re all eating in silent and he feels completely unwanted and why Jinhwan bothered to ask him to join them if none of them wants him to be here. He just wants to go out from here and be away from the members.

“Hanbin I… we want to clear things up about what had happened that night.” What was in his mind? Of course, they want to talk about the issue. He feels ashamed of himself how dare he thinks that Jinhwan actually trying to be nice with him after years of treating each other like we’re just a stranger that lives together and works together.

“Yeah sure about that.” He put down the cutlery he was holding. He honestly doesn’t even want to talk about it because he felt like they’re all done talking about it last time. He said he's sorry and thought that they won’t need to bring this issue again but guess the members still haven’t moved on from the issue. But for him, there’s nothing more about it except the pain he got to deal after the conversations ended.

He shut his eyes and try his best to focus on the members instead of his wild and sad thoughts about last night which is no one concerned. He opens his eyes and looks at Jinhwan who is now ready to talk about it. But somehow he could also see how Bobby’s eyes were on him but choose not to look at the other boy and focus on Jinhwan.

“That night, we went there only to have fun and grab a few drinks like we always did but we… we bring girls with us too.” Jinhwan stops there to study Hanbin’s face reaction but Hanbin gave him none so take it as a cue to continue.

“But then suddenly one of random guy comes to our table and try to hurt one of the girls that are with us and we stop him verbally at first but he goes violent that when Bobby and Junhoe reacted in the same way as the guy.” Jinhwan wants to continue to explain more but that is what really happened and he doesn’t feel like there’s more to add. He waits for Hanbin reaction, he don’t how he wants the leader to react but it surely not like this. Hanbin just nods his head and he wishes for Hanbin to be mad and he doesn’t understand why he wants that instead of calm Hanbin.

But calm Hanbin wasn’t really as calm as he looks like. He was in his own thoughts of how does it feels to be invited by the members just to have fun and creates good memories together. He never feels jealous of anyone but today he surely does. How lucky those girls to be around the members. Not only had they fun together, the members even stood up for those girls. When will they do the same to Hanbin? Maybe never will? Hearing how the members stood up for other people really sounds beautiful to his ears. How he wish they would do the same for him but he knows they will never do the same. They might stand up for him if they know the truth right or maybe not. Maybe they will back then when they’re all still close to each other but now he guesses they will never do it. It leaves a bittersweet taste in his now dry mouth.

“Hanbin Hyung?” Donghyuk called him out from his thoughts. He smiles at the younger but received a concern looks from Donghyuk. But Hanbin erases that look from his memory in second. He doesn’t want to feel ashamed again as how he did before when Jinhwan greeted him and thought it was Jinhwan trying to be nice with him when he’s not.

“Just be extra careful next time when you guys went out.” Hanbin really don’t know what else he should say as he doesn’t want to talk about it more to be here with his members when his monster is here smiling proudly because they succeeded to ruin Hanbin and his thought. Nevertheless, he could see Jinhwan look a bit disappointed with his reaction and that make him sad with himself. He failed again even as a leader. He was never a good friend before. He always failed them.

Bobby and Junhoe look at him with a stare that he doesn’t need at the moment and he surely doesn’t need to study the meaning behind the stares. He knows how disappointing it is to have a leader like him. He doesn’t need to be a psychology student to understand the meaning and he can conclude it was the same as Jinhwan. But maybe Bobby and Junhoe stares hold more than just a disappointment but it also holds anger in it.

“Hanbin we…” Yunhyeong has been cut by Bobby.

“Not we,” Bobby said and that makes Hanbin confuse what are they trying to ask or say right now? What with not him but we?

“Yeah Donghyuk Jinhwan and I want to know what happened to you. Why are you looking like this?” Hanbin is not ready with this question. He was ready yesterday but not today and knowing that not all of his members really care for the reason behind these scars and bruised really cut his heart deeply. He just wants to run and cry out loud but he can’t. All of his sad thoughts now has been answered. They don’t care. Not all his members care about him. He should’ve known this as a fact but it still broke his heart when Bobby makes it obvious that he doesn’t care about him. He cared about those girls more than him, the leader of his group. And with Yunhyeong confirming only him Jinhwan and Donghyuk care to know the real reason behind these bruises, it feels like someone has stabbed him with the sharpest knife right on his heart.

“Oh, it’s really nothing. I need to go now and I’m sorry I can’t be here for long.” Hanbin thinks it is better to skip this conversation before he breaks down in front of them and he doesn’t want that to happen. Maybe he should stay at One’s house for one or two days so that he doesn’t need to talk about it. He feels bad for not answering his member question but Hanbin is in the deep question of are they really care or they just want to ease their mind and by the time they know the truth they will just walk away and leave him alone because not all of them truly care about him. He surely not ready for that and things should stay this way. He doesn’t need more pain to be added, he had enough pain for him to deal with.

“Can you just answer the question?” Junhoe sounds mad and that’s the truth. The three members are genuinely worried and been contemplating to ask the leader or not since last night. He doesn’t understand why all sudden they wanted to know but he didn’t disagree with them because truth to be told he himself wants to know what is actually happened to the leader but no he don’t care about him he just wants to know. He guess?

“Leave him alone. This is not something new coming him.” Bobby said harshly. He stares at Hanbin who has stood up ready to walk out from the apartment. He knows why the members suddenly worried about the leader but he just doesn’t want to know the truth. Call him ignorant he doesn’t mind when the truth is he actually in fear but he doesn’t want to admit it and rather to be called ignorant and selfish bastard he is. He is pretty sure the truth is such an ugly truth that he never wants to know. How the truth will be beautiful if this is how Hanbin looks like and not when he’s the one who heard what One and Jaeho said last night. He ran out of the apartment soon when he sure that One and Jaeho drop the topic He had told Jinhwan, Yunhyeong, and Donghyuk about it and he regrets his decision. They need to drop this conversation soon because he can’t stand it anymore. Can’t they just leave it like this? Just let Hanbin deal with everything and anything alone? Why they need the truth when it’s too late?

Hanbin waste no time and went out from the apartment crying his heart out. Skip the elevator, he uses the stairs instead. He afraid if one of the members will follow him and see him crying like this. He finally meets the outside world and the world is now crying with him. He continues his walk to his company even when it is raining.

He changed his clothes when he arrived at the company, he always has extra clothes in his studio since he always sleep here more than his own house. He sits on his comfortable chair that his fans gifted him. Stare at the blank screen in front of him and back to his thoughts instead of working when he needs to send the new songs in few hours but he is not worried since he did complete it all.

Knowing that he needs to meet the CEO in the next few hours makes him shuddered and it really ends all of his deep thoughts and back focusing on work. Anything can happen in that room and he doesn’t need time to think about the possibility of what will happen in that room later.

________

____________

“Bobby you really don’t need to interrupt it. What the hell is wrong with you?” Yunhyeong raises his voice towards Bobby. Bobby obviously could see how fuming Yunhyeong is right now but he doesn’t care.

“I’m just stating the truth. He won’t talk and you guys need to leave it that way seriously.” Bobby continues with his breakfast as nothing happened before. He can see Yunhyeong is now making his way out from the apartment and Jinhwan followed him. Maybe worry about leaving Yunhyeong alone but didn’t they always leave Hanbin alone why bother if Yunhyeong is alone anyway.

“Hyung, I’m disappointed with you. You agreed to let them asked Hanbin and you said you don’t care so why you acted this way?” Donghyuk asked Bobby. Maybe not the best action Donghyuk ever did because whatever Donghyuk doing it will always triggers Bobby. Especially rude Donghyuk and more the younger are now mad because of Hanbin. He really doesn’t appreciate Donghyuk's action right now.

“You need to know I don’t care whatever you guys want to do with Hanbin but just never in front of me and I made myself clear yesterday. One more thing Donghyuk, don’t dare to raise your voice to me.” With that Bobby takes his leave and he can hear Donghyuk deep sigh.

Bobby wants his own getaway but he needed to be in the studio more right now. He just needs the lone time and his studio can granted his wish so he decide it best to go there later after the rain stop and maybe sleeping right now is even better before he got busy in the studio later. More he needs to meet the CEO to talk about his next collaboration and how will it go now since the incident happened.

Just when Bobby about to sleep, he received a phone call from Mino and he picks up the phone call.

“Hey wave boy.” Mino greeted him happily but Bobby just hums in respond.

“What’s up with the mood? Was it because of the incident?” Mino is such an insensitive friend that he needed right now. How Mino can ask those questions with a laugh followed after it as if it was nothing and that exactly he needs. Someone who doesn’t care about the world and only thinks about their own world. Just like him.

“You know the members get affected by it. They’re no fun you know.” He replied lazily. How much they fucked up YG would only get angry and did nothing to them so he don’t really understand why the members need to feel tense about the whole situation. Yes, they can’t be seen in front of the lens right now but things like this will died in few days and they will be back soon maybe sooner than what has been planned because the fans will be mad if YG Ent. canceled all the planning for them and he sure YG don’t want that. Mad fans mean no profit for the company.

“Since you said that. Tonight let’s hit the club. Same place as usual?” This is the fun of being a friend with Mino. He pretty aware of the stay in the house rules but who can reject such an inviting invitation when he needs a getaway from all of this dramas.

“Yeah sure,” Bobby said and Mino laughs and said something after that and he can’t really hear them and not that he cares anyway.

“If you can bring alone Junhoe and maybe your leader.” Mino continues laughing and he could hear someone else is laughing too with Mino.

“Fuck off with bringing Hanbin.” This is not the first time Mino asked him to bring Hanbin along. Fact is all his party friends has been asking for him to brings Hanbin and not only his friend but Junhoe friends too and they both don’t understand why they’re all so keen to the idea of bringing Hanbin when they’re all aware with the fact that Hanbin is never a party person. Hanbin rarely party only a few times and that times happened when it involved with work.

“You’re no fun trying to protect him but whatever meet ya tonight bro.” Mino ended that phone call but leave confuse Bobby. What with him trying to protect Hanbin. He never did such things. This is the first time Mino ever said things like that. What does he need to protect about bringing Hanbin to a party anyway? He got so curious and maybe he will asks Mino about it later if he still remembers about it but for now, he just wants to sleep and rest but not forgetting to text his manager to fetch him later to go to the company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I comeback pretty soon right? I'm so touched with you guys' words that it made me excited and show you guys this new chapter. Your comment is welcome and i need them! thank you for reading this! xoxo


	5. I'll end it all

How pathetic a person can be? Laying on the floor bleeding, bruised and naked while the person who did it is still in room laughing while drinking their hot tea as if he wasn’t around. He avert his eyes away, looking at the view that this room serve to the owner. It’s beautiful, the sun. It such a shame that this beautiful gift from god have to see his body laying here and witness such an action from human. He can feel his tears is falling and he don’t think he want to stop it from falling. He cry and sobbing despite the other two is still in the room with him. 

For how long he need to endure all these pain and how long more he need to sacrifice himself so that none of these people will touch his members and their dreams just to perform and meets people who enjoyed their music? _How long will you let all these people hurt me? When will you end it all for me, my Dear Lord?_

“Tch, you disturbing our time. Be quite or maybe wear something and be gone.” Mr Yang walk to his weak body and grab his hair making him sit instead. He is still crying when he shouldn’t be especially in front of Mr Yang and his brother.

“Aw, don’t hurt him anymore. I had so much fun with him today so spare him.” With that Mr Yang let him go back laying on the floor and return to his seat continue sipping his hot tea together with his brother. Mr Yang brother surely not the person who beat him half dead but he is the person that use his body for pleasure. These two brother is a perfect match for each other. They walk around in the society with angel disguise and made people fell for their kindness and success but behind the close door they’re nothing but a demon that live in human body.

He wipes the tears off his face, with the energy left in his body he walk and pick his scatter clothes and pants up from the floor and wear it back. Covering his bruised body from other people eyes. He finally walk out from the room slowly. Hug and patted his own body with his hand to calm himself down.

He promise that he will end it all. He will take care of himself and choose how he will end all of this. If this is how everything will end then that is what he need to do. He will set himself free from all of these agony and no one will ever hurt him again. No one can touch him in disgusting way anymore. He will stop anything and everyone who hurt him. Even if it means he can no longer be here.

He don’t know for how long did he walk but he knows where he is right now. He rang the bell and second after he already on the ground. _Just like before._

“Hanbin?” Jaewon take Hanbin body’s and embrace it.

“What happened?” He asked even when he knows that he won’t get any answers from the younger. By the look of the younger he could already tell what happened to Hanbin. It hurts him seeing how weak Hanbin is right now. Crying out loud in his arm. “Hanbin you safe here. It’s okay.” Jaewon tried to calm Hanbin down.

“Hyung…hyung can I ask you a favour?” Finally Hanbin find his voice and actually start talking instead of crying. Looking right into Jaewon’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Jaewon said and kiss Hanbin’s forhead.

“Hyung, can… can you let me go? I’m in pain and I can’t continue this fight anymore. It… it doesn’t matter right? You know I’m dying too.” Jaewon was in shocked. Never in a million years would he ever see any of this is coming. If before it’s Hanbin who cried, now it his turn. Hanbin is his best friend and he knows how rough it is for Hanbin to live his life every day and yet even with him around Hanbin still wants to do it and maybe he should let him go? Maybe this is for the best? But can he accept the reality of losing his one and only best friend won’t be with him anymore in future?

“Jaewon hyung please, yeah?” Hanbin touch Jaewon’s cheeks and wipes his tears off but not his own tears.

“I… I’ll let you go Hanbin.” Jaewon can see the younger smiles weakly.

“You promise right and can you help me?” Jaewon can’t look into Hanbin’s eyes. That sad yet beautiful eyes that endure a lot of painful things that the world gave to him. The eyes that always smile to him even when he’s the one who need the helps.

“What help do you want from me?” Jaewon ignore the promise part. How could he promise to do such a painful act? He don’t think he can manage to fulfil Hanbin’s promise but if Hanbin wants him to let Hanbin go then maybe he can manage but to promise it is impossible. 

“Please… Please look after my family and members and yourself.” Hanbin gave his most beautiful smiles with tears falling from his eyes. Begging desperately to Jaewon.

_ Why Hanbin? Why? Why can’t you be selfish for once? Asked for my help to take care of others but asked me to promise to let you go. How do you think I can do that? _

“I’ll do it but now let’s clean you up and call your manager to pick you up. I’m sorry I don’t think I can have you around tonight.” Jaewon pat Hanbin’s hair and walk to the toilet to take the first aid and to cry there alone.

“I’m sorry hyung.” Hanbin whispers and he is sure Jaewon can’t hear him but only Jaewon can help him and only Jaewon would mourn for him. He needed Jaewon permission for him to be free. He closes his eyes when he heard Jaewon crying in the toilet out loud and he cry together with Jaewon.

_ Everything will end soon _ .

\-----------

\--------------------

Loud music, people laughing here and there. Drinks everywhere, girls sitting on each one of his friends laps, making out, dance lap and more, enjoying the night like there’s no tomorrow. Tonight seems like the last night they will ever see before everything come to an end. He should probably do the same and join the others but he couldn’t. His body is here with them but not his mind. His mind is out thinking about Hanbin, what he heard and how painful it is for Hanbin. He couldn’t find himself ignoring everything like he always did, the person he always be.

He never know it, up until today how crazy it is for Hanbin. Leave him alone deal with the devil that wear angel disguise. Believing that he and the others already sacrifice more than they should just so they can achieve their dreams. He can’t make himself feels better by saying this is what they need to take in order to achieve their dreams. No, they don’t even deal with that hardship. Hanbin did.

Bobby was there. Right in front of his CEO room when he heard someone screaming and begging for everything to stop. He was there when he heard how awful Hanbin sounds like begging for his CEO to stop beating him and worst he was there when Hanbin begging not to touch him and hurt him. Hanbin was crying when the other man was in pleasure, ignoring all of Hanbin words for them to stop hurting and touch him. He heard enough that he couldn’t stand there anymore but he didn’t make a move to help Hanbin. He left Hanbin with in the devil hands when he could do something to help his own friend but he didn’t. He was so scared if he help Hanbin then he would receive the same things as the leader. He knew he’s stupid and selfish but he couldn’t do anything.

How he wish it wasn’t him who encounter with it and heard it. He don’t have power to help Hanbin, he wish it was someone else who can help Hanbin was there instead of him. _Useless coward._

“Bobby what’s up with the mood?” Mino asked him. Holding his drink on right hand and the other holding his cigarette. Sipping his drink before offered it to Bobby.

“Why you want Hanbin to be here?” Bobby don’t know what was in his mind but he don’t even want to ask the question but it happened. With that the whole table look at him and smile. How weird it is, just by him mentioning Hanbin names can get everyone attention.

“Never know you would asked that question. What a night.” Mino smile and Bobby don’t like the smile from Mino. He feels like he need to do something so that the smile will be vanish and Mino can forget about smiling for the rest of his life.

“I find it weird how only you and your group member don’t know about Hanbin when I pretty much believe the whole company knows about him.” Mino still smiling and Bobby really think the idea of making Mino to forget about smiling for the rest of his life is now needed.

“Just answer my question will you?” Mino laugh at how tense Bobby is right now.

“I’ll give you a few answer to your question and if you wanted to know more you could simply ask your leader yourself.” Mino said. Looking all serious and then back with his stupid smile that Bobby wish can be vanish soon.

“He got a pretty body wasn’t he?” Bobby blood is boiling and his body is fuming. He need to hold himself, he don’t want more unwanted scene about him and his group on the front page of any stupid article.

“When he begging he sounds so beautiful that every one of us feels like the need to hear it ourselves. What a privilege for you to have him around every day and hope you could share it with us.” He lose himself with that. He knows he don’t have the right to fight for Hanbin with how he treated Hanbin and how he did nothing to help the leader but no one can disrespect Hanbin. Hanbin is his best friend or maybe used to but no one should said such things about Hanbin in front him and whoever disrespect his leader deserve to die and rot in hell.

He almost punch Mino right on his face but got stopped when someone hold him.

“Please stop. It’s okay.” Bobby look at the person who dare to stop him and said it’s okay when nothing is okay about it. Mino literally humiliate his leader and more his best friend. Can he called himself as a best friend to Hanbin anymore? He don’t need to think about that right now.

“Wow, what a pleasure to meet you here Hanbin.” Mino laugh and the others join with him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Bobby raise his voice and push Hanbin away from him. He regret doing that to Hanbin but he can’t stop himself. He’s in anger and not like he could think very well what best to do when all he have in his mind to kill Mino and beat him to death so he won’t be laughing anymore.

“We… we should head back to the dorm.” Hanbin said timidly.

He look at Hanbin up and down and finally give up. Taking Hanbin’s hand and went out from that place only to saw that there’s camera around but luckily their manager blocked the camera and they can enter the car in peace without any difficulty.

“Why there’s camera?” Bobby asked the manager when he finally inside the var.

“And why the fuck you here party when Hanbin and I fucking warn you to fucking stay in house until everything ends!” He never thought he would finally see their manager screaming and curse at them or at least right now at him. What a sight to see.

“I just need something to clear up my mind that’s all.” He replied in cool manners, don’t want to trigger the manager even more when he knows he did wrong.

“Fuck with clear your mind.” And Bobby don’t think this is needed. He got it the manager is mad but he don’t need to scream when he just answer his question to why is he out from the dorm.

“I don’t want to deal with your CEO and Hanbin don’t need more of that and here you are with clearing your mind when all of this happened because of you.” He can’t deny that. It’s true that whatever they faced right now is all because of him and all this while or maybe most of the time it was him or maybe June sometimes among their group member that will be on the front page of newspaper and such a hot topic for their wild night out or attitude but they never need to deal with the CEO other than hear him give few warn to not do it again only to know the reason why he never need to deal with it is because Hanbin got to do the cleaning part.

“I’m sorry.” With that the manager stay quiet and focus on the road. He then look at Hanbin who sit quietly beside him. Playing with his fingers and seems to have a hard time to breathe.

Taking the leader hands and he hold it with his hand. Close his eyes because he don’t want to see Hanbin reaction to his sudden action and he glad that Hanbin just let him hold his hands.

“Why are you here?” He asked quietly. Only for him Hanbin to hear.

“Jaeho hyung fetch me from Jaewon hyung house and he receive a phone call from June to bring you home.” June that brat, he literally bailed last minute because Jinhwan asked him to have a drink with him at home and he couldn’t say no to the older.

“Then why don’t you stay in the car and let Jeaho bring me out?” He question Hanbin again.

“There’s camera there and Jaeho need to handle it and can’t go to you if the people still there.” That explain everything. Of course he can’t think because he never think. If Jeaho brings him out with camera around then the next thing he knows he will be on the front page the next day saying that he didn’t show any remorse with the previous issue is still around.

He take a deep breathe, thinking about what Mino said and he needed to talk about it with Hanbin. Maybe tonight not the best time for him to ask about it but he will ask about it soon and for now he just need to rest and sleep.

“Did you heard everything?” Bobby avert his eyes to the windows of the car.

“Yeah.” Hanbin answered his question. He closed his eyes and take a deep breath.

_ For how long did you hide it all from us Hanbin and when will you tell us the truth? I’m sorry you have to go through all of this alone but I promise to be here with you until the end. _

Hanbin notice the tears that falling from Bobby’s eyes and wanted to wipes it for him but he’s not sure if Bobby will let him. Bobby might holds his hand right now but that is what Bobby wants and he knows how much Bobby hates when someone treats him like he’s weak and he don’t want Bobby’s to misunderstand his action, so he let Bobby cry quietly beside him and let Bobby holds his hand until they’ll reach the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update and also im sorry that i can't write it very well. but i hope to hear something for you guys and thank you for waiting especially to skye and pilla001. thank you for reading and im sorry for any mistake. have a nice day everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments good or bad I'll take each of it with an open heart. And this is actually my first attempt in writing so sorry for any mistake. This has been in my drafts for quite some time and only today I dare enough to post it. Thank you!


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